is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
