how can u be prego again
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
