In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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