I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
