Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I can't put those talents on a resume
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
