hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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