in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
