I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
