I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
