i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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