dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
