My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
