i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
