saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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