this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
