I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
