he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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