Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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