He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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