she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
