I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
