I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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