She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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