The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
