So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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