we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
