what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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