forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
