White coat. Heels.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
it's like heaven, but drunker
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
