remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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