didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
