Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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