Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
