Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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