just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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