well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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