oh god the rape fog is back!
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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