when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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