Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
