I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
