I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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