i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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