Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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