Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
