nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Randomize
