i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
did i just pee glitter
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
