she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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