Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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