I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
