In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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