if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
