my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
