just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
