"it" just moved
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
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