woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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