i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Dear god my vagina.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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