There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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