This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
